帮我看看这篇英语作文有没有语法错误

题目：假设你是TOM，请根据提示以“MY Unforgettable Experience"为题写一篇80字左右的作文，记叙一次难忘的经历，提示：Tom 的父母晚上有事外出，知道11点才回家。9岁的他自己一个人在家，当门外有人走过时，他还哦啊；听到外面的房间他更害怕，后来才发现是自家的小猫，以前从未单独在家的他便有 了一次难忘的经历。

My unforgettable experience

i was had a unforgettable experience when i was nine years old. ican't forget it forever. on that day,my parents had to go out for dinner,but i can't go out with them. i had to do my homework.

i heard someone walked while iwas doing my homework. iwas crying,because i was fear. When i can'thear walked, i stop crying. i was watching tv in my bed room when i finished my homework. i heard the voice out of the room. i was more frightened. But i thought i should be more brave. i went out of the room. it was my cat. iwas relax when i saw my cat. And i played with my cat.my parents didn't go home until at 11 pm.

i think it's my unforttable experience bearuse it was the first time for me to stay in a place alone

我英语程度不是很好。英语作文一直是我的眼中刺。
请高人指点。

i had a unforgettable experience

i heard some one walking

i cried, because i was so fearful.

when i can't hear the walking sound.....

i stop crying and started to watch tv......

i was more frightened than before....

my parents didn't back home until 11pm

不知道你现在上几年级，先帮你这么改一下吧，你看看合理吗

1 making grammar notes改为 taking grammar notes 做笔记为 take notes

2 native speakers were talking too quickly too quickly and he couldn't understand every word

中的were改为are ,因为此处讲的是一般的情况，是个事实。

3 此外，上句中的后半句改为so quickly that he couldn't understand every word

用 so..that...引导结果状语从句更符合英语表达习惯。

4 he practiced listening by speaking english with friends.

speaking 改为 talking 此处侧重他和朋友相互交谈

这是高一第二单元的练习作文吧？再没发现什么大的错误

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