四级作文求批改

1. 对于禁止在地铁和公交车上吃东西，有人表示赞成
2. 有人则表示反对
3. 你的看法 　
Nowadays, eating food has become a very common matter in the subway. There is a public debate today over whether should food be banned on the subway.
Some maintain that food should be banned on the subway because it may exert a great influence to other people. However, others believe that we can eat food on the subway as lots of people don't have enough time to eat breakfast at home.
As for me, I think we shouldn't eat food on the subway. Why I have the opinion like this? Three factors can explain this. First, someone eats food which has highly seasoned that let others can't bear it. Second, subway is so crowded that we can't eat food very easy which both harm the interests for self and others. Third, someone even brings drinks to the subway. If they are not on guard, it's very easy to spill out.
As far as I'm concerned, I agree with we shouldn't eat food on the subway.
求帮忙批改，并给一些建议thx！~

渣渣水平随便说的，仅供参考～
1、common matter 这个说法没怎么见过，common issue较好
2、There is a public debate today over whether should food be banned on the subway. whether后是陈述句语序，应为whether food should be banned
3、 Why I have the opinion like this? 这句有语病而且完全没必要，累赘，改一下下一句直接过渡即可～
4、最后给出的三条理由changlish比较严重，建议重写一下

批改者：09 年 12 月 考试，660 分， 作文 132 分 in recent years, more and more large-scale pressure【 pressures，不然后面用 was ，pressure 用单复数都可以。】 were poured on the【the 不用】 college students, flowing【？应该用 reflecting 吧，“反应，说明”】 the importance of huan【human】 resources. we，colleges tudents，realized【must realize，这里应该用一般现在时】 the society that is full of factors of competition, which can hardly step a step into the current society.【这句句法有点问题，建议改为 we , college students , feel obliged to be aware of the fierce competition in society 】 the evil【evil 一般只修饰 devil 吧 …… 太偏激了点……用“serious”好点 】 pressure truly gave 【gives】a prosperitily competative【competitive】 human-resource market for every field in society, hence, there was a age-old saying 【an old saying】 ,which is called "a coin has two sides".【改为 as an old saying quotes,"every coin has its two sides"】 excessive pressure did【does】 really make a "contribution" to the occurence rate of mental disease.for instant, occurence of autism rate are incresinglly happend in graduates. the extramely high rate is of our human-resouce which should be saved for other field as well. therefore,from my point of view,firstly, to poen【？没有这个词…】 the mental health class can greatly relieve the burden of our competitive environment ,secondly,to do 【to do 改为 doing】 some preworks in the eve of the competative society is also plays a vital role.

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