请大家帮我修改英文自我推荐信

Dear Ms. Luo,
Thank you for reading my letter! I am Candy, and my Chinese name is Li Xiaofang, a sophomore from Liberal Arts College. I wish to recommend myself to be the student chief inspector of English Festival 2009.
Yesterday, I asked Mia whether you had decided who would be the student chief inspector because I wanted to ask Samuel to send me the proposal and other materials of EF 2007 in advance. I’m afraid I can not get in touch with him after defense. However, I was told that teachers hadn’t decided yet and I should wait for the result until the end on May because they had to make the decision with caution. It occurred to me that I should not be the person who just waits for the result. It is wise for me to send you a letter to recommend myself to this position. If I spare no effort to apply for it, no matter what the result is, I will not be regretful.
I think my willingness to accept responsibility qualifies me to arrange some English activities. I have been a staff in EL for nearly two years and the leader of publicity department for more than one year. In 2008, I worked as a volunteer in Cross Country and this year, I also deal with the promotion work for Cross Country. Last year, I would like to work for EF as a volunteer; however I lost the chance because I hadn’t sent my application form quickly enough. Having learnt from such experience, this time, I would like to try my best to pursue what I want.
I am confident that the knowledge I have gained has prepared me for making contributions to EF. In order to have a good command of English, I keep improving myself. I plan to spend this summer vocation to develop my capability, especially my English. If I was given a chance to be the student chief inspector of EF, I will be more willing to be a "self-starter", since I know my responsibility of this position.
I sincerely hope to put up for this seat. If I may provide you with any further information in your consideration of me, please feel free to contact me or you can ask Paul about me. She is my English teacher and I believe he can remember me. Looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks again for your time!

(请大家在错误的地方用数字标出或在后面的括号写上修改意见，如：1.Thanks again for you time（your time）.

时间紧急，在线等！
先谢谢了

Dear Ms. Luo,
Thank you for reading my letter! I am Candy, and my Chinese name is Li Xiaofang, a sophomore from Liberal Arts College. I wish to recommend myself to be the student chief inspector of English Festival 2009.
(The day before), (when) I asked Mia whether you had decided who would be the student chief inspector (as) I wanted to ask Samuel to send me the proposal and other materials of EF 2007 in advance. I’m afraid I can not get in touch with him after defense. However, I was told that teachers hadn’t decided yet and I should wait for the result until the end of May because they had to make the decision with caution. (Then) it occurred to me that I should not be the person who just waits for the result. It is wise for me to send you a letter to recommend myself to this position. If I spare no effort to apply for it, no matter what the result is, I will not be regretful.
I think my willingness to accept responsibility (makes) me (suitable) to arrange some English activities. I have been a staff in EL for nearly two years and the leader of publicity department for more than one year. In 2008, I worked as a volunteer in Cross Country and this year, I also deal with the promotion work for Cross Country. Last year, I would like to work for EF as a volunteer; however I lost the chance because I had not sent my application form quickly enough. Having learnt from such experience, this time, I would like to try my best to pursue what I want.
I am confident that the knowledge I have gained has prepared me for making contributions to EF. In order to have a good command of English, I keep improving myself. I plan to spend this summer vocation to develop my capability, especially my English. If I was given a chance to be the student chief inspector of EF, I will be more willing to be a "self-starter", since I know my responsibility of this position.
I sincerely hope to put up for this seat. If I may provide you with any further information in your consideration of me, please feel free to contact me or you can ask Paul about me. She is my English teacher and I believe he can remember me. Looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks again for your time!

(Regards,

Candy)

括号的地方是改过的，总的来说很好，把你自己的成就说了出来，希望你马到成功，帮学校做一个很好的英文节2009！

说实话，这篇推荐信的质量不高啊。结构跟内容都有问题，这个很难改。我只能把语法跟词汇改了，内容还要lz自己斟酌~ qian has always been outstanding 改为 qian is always outstand 一般时更好，表示一如既往。 and i'm sure this bright star of ours would to be more extraordinary in the future. 原文用词重复，句子结构缀余。建议去掉of ours，或改为of our school she was rewarded the university scholarship for strong overall academic achievements when she was a freshman 奖学金这样表达更好~ she was selected as an exchange student to study in central connecticut state university when she was in her third year 时态错误，还有第三年的表达~ qian worked hard and got almost a in her final examnation. satisfied performance 改为 satisfactory performance especially（后面不加逗号）her voluntary teaching in a hope primary school once a week for two years they all like her and like to be her friends. and often, when her classmates had any troubles, she always came to help them. 改为she is often willing to help when classmates has any trouble. 最后一段末尾加一句：i'm glad to hear from you.

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