找一篇英语的笑话

我们上课前得用英语演讲、快排到我了、找英语笑话、带中文翻译的、简单点、我英语不好

1.Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

2. Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

Sammy prayed every night for two weeks, asking God for ＄100. 　　When he got no response, he thought it would be a good idea to write to God and see if that worked. 　　The post office received the letter addressed to “God, Los Angeles.” They decided that it would be best to just forward the letter to the mayor. The mayor read the letter and thought it was cute, so he asked his secretary to send the boy ＄10, thinking the boy would think that was a lot of money for a little boy. 　　When Sammy got the money, he was so excited that he sat down immediately to write a thank-you letter. 　　“Dear God,” he wrote, “Thank you very much for the money you sent. I guess it is to be expected but I thought you should know this: When you sent it through City Hall, the government deducted ＄90.” 　　两周以来萨米每天都祷告，让上帝给他100美元。因为没得到反应，他想给上帝写一封信是个好主意，看看是否奏效。 　　邮局的人看到信上写的地址是“洛杉矶，上帝收”。他们决定最好把信交给市长。市长看了信觉得写信人很可爱，于是让他的秘书给男孩寄了10美元。心想对一个男孩来说，10美元也不少了。 　　萨米收到钱的时候，非常激动，立刻坐下来写感谢信。 　　“亲爱的上帝，”他写道：“感谢你给我寄来的钱。我想这正是我期待的，但是我想你应该知道：当你寄来的钱通过市政厅的时候，政府扣除了90美元。”

I Wasn't Asleep

　　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　我没有睡着

　　当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！”

　　　 “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

　　　 “没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？”

　　　 “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”

我是单身汉 　　Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor." 杰克骑车摔伤，得住院治疗。一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填。仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的？"护士问. "有！"杰克想了想说，"我是个单身汉."

位置上的冰激凌 　　"Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine." 　　"Yours?Can you prove it?" 　　"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it." 　　"请原谅，你占了我的位置." 　　"你的位置？你能证明这点吗？" 　　"能，我在位置上放了杯 冰激凌."

总是口渴 　　Always Thirsty 　　"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me." 　　"That"s terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?" 　　"No, but I am always thirsty!" 　　总感到口渴 　　一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。” 　　“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？” 　　“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”

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