求一个英语小笑话

求一个英语小笑话

Violin Lessons
　　"Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?" young Sarah asked her father. She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased.
　　"You cost me a lot of money, Sarah," he said. "First you wanted to learn horse riding, then dancing, then swimming. Now it's the violin.
　　"I'll play every day, Daddy." Sarah said. "I'll try very hard.
　　"All right," her father said. "This is what I'll do. I'll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks. At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well, you can have more lessons. If you play badly, I will stop the lessons."
　　"0. K. Daddy," Sarah said. "That is fair.
　　He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. The teacher was very expensive, but her father kept his promise.
　　The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father.
　　She went to the living room and said, "I'm ready to play for you, Daddy.
　　"Fine, Sarah," her father said. "Begin.
　　She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise.
　　Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears.
　　When Sarah finished, her father said, "Well done, Sarah. You can have more lessons."
　　Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her father's friend turned to him. "You've spent a lot of money, but she still plays very badly. he said.
　　"Well, that's true," her father said. "But since she started learning the violin I've been able to buy five apartments in this build very cheaply. In another six weeks I'll own the whole building!"

　　小提琴课
　　“爸爸，我能学拉小提琴吗？”小莎拉问她的父亲。她总是要东西，因此她爸爸很不高兴。
　　“你花了我很多钱，莎拉，”他说，“开始你想学骑马，然后想学跳舞，然后是游泳。现在又想学拉小提琴。”
　　“我会每天都拉的，爸爸，”莎拉说，“我会认真练的。”
　　“好吧，”她爸爸说。“下面是我要做的：我会为你付六个星期的小提琴课的钱，六个星期后你必须拉首曲子给我听。如果你拉得很好，你可以继续上小提琴课，要是你拉得很差，你就不要再学了。”
　　“行。爸爸，”莎拉说，“这很公平。”
　　他很快就找到了一个好的小提琴老师，莎拉就开始学拉提琴了。尽管学费很高，但她爸爸遵守了诺言。
　　六个星期很快就过去了。该莎拉拉提琴给爸爸听了。
　　她走进起居室说：“我准备好拉提琴给你听了。”
　　“好哇，莎拉，”她爸爸说。“开始吧。”
　　她开始拉了。她拉得很差，发出了可怕的嗓音。她爸爸身旁有位朋友，朋友用手捂着耳朵。
　　莎拉拉完一曲，她父亲说：“拉得好，莎拉。你可以继续学琴了。”
　　莎拉高兴地跑出门去。她父亲的朋友对他说：“你已经花了不少钱了，但她还是拉得很差。”
　　“噢，的确如此，”她爸爸说，“但自从她开始学小提琴，我就可以很便宜地买下这幢楼的五个公寓。再过六周，我就可以拥有整幢楼啦！”

百度啊

一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士虽然不能帮到你的忙，说个笑话娱乐下！一天美国人做只中文听力。 麦克：嗨

The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
【译文】
老猫
一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。

1.
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. "How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000."
"No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head
一个秃头的男人坐在理发店里。”有什么可以帮你们的吗。发型师问。”我本来去做头发移植，”那个人解释说，“但我无法忍受这痛苦。如果你能够让我的头发看起来像你一样，没有任何痛苦，我将付给你5000美元。”
“没问题，”发型师说，然后发型师很快剃光了头发
2,
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
"Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
一个英国人迷了路，他在乡下开车。他看见一个农民在田间工作的，于是他就把车开过去问农夫，“对不起，你能告诉我我在哪儿吗？”
“是的，”农夫奇怪地看了看他，说，“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”
3,
One day a young businessman asked his girl friend, "Dear, will you marry me if I am bankrupt?"
"Of course, I will." the girl said firmly.
"Do you mean what you say?" the man asked.
"That's what I want to ask you." the girl said
有一天，一个年轻的商人问他的朋友，“亲爱的如果我破产了，你愿意嫁给我吗？”
“当然，我会的。”女孩坚定的回答。
“你确定你说的吗？”那人问。
“那正是我想问你的。”女孩说
4,
Hen's Legs
Son: Why are hen's legs so short?
Dad: You're a fool. If the hen's legs were too long, wouldn't they drop their
eggs into pieces when laying
母鸡的腿
儿子：为什么母鸡的腿很短？
爸爸：你是个傻瓜。如果母鸡的腿太长，下蛋时就会摔破。
5,
A boy says to her mother, Mom, is God a man or woman?
The mom thinks a while and says, Well, son, God is both man and woman.
The son is confused, so he asks, Is God black or white?
The mother replies, God is both black and white, honey.
The son, still curious, says after a while, Is God gay or straight, mommy?
The mother, getting a little worried, answers, Son, God is both gay and
straight.
The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has
answered his question: Is God Michael Jackson?
儿子对妈妈说，妈妈，上帝是男人还是女人？
妈妈想了一会儿说，好吧，儿子，上帝是男人和女人。
儿子很疑惑，所以他问，上帝是黑人还是白人？
母亲回答说，上帝是黑人和白人，亲爱的。
儿子，仍然好奇，说一会儿后，上帝是同性恋还是异性恋，妈妈？
母亲开始有点担心，直接回答，儿子，上帝是同性恋者
儿子仔细思考，当他认为他终于找到问题的答案时，
他笑了：“上帝是迈克尔·杰克逊的吗？
6,
Tom: My grand God, what does a millennium mean to you?
God: It only means a minute.
Tom: My omnipotent god, what do 10,000 golden coins mean to you?
God: Just a small coin.
Tom: My humane god, please give me a small coin.
God: Ok, poor man, please wait a minute.
汤姆：我伟大的上帝，一千年对你来说意味着什么？
上帝：它只意味着一分钟。
汤姆：我万能的上帝，什么10000金币对你意味着什么？
神只是一个小硬币。
汤姆：我仁慈的上帝，请给我一枚小硬币。
上帝：好吧，可怜的人，请等一分钟。
请采纳………………

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