能不能给我几个《Funny people》中的经典对白
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解决时间 2021-04-12 16:38
- 提问者网友:沉默的哀伤
- 2021-04-11 17:13
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最佳答案
- 五星知识达人网友:長槍戰八方
- 2021-04-11 17:32
giving something
away you know
Okay
So
There's something
I've really been wanting
to tell you George
Uhoh
Yeah
I feel as though you need
to tell someone other than me
about your condition
I don't want to do that
George
people care about you
You have to let them
be there for you
I tell somebody
then it's all gonna change
and you can't get it back
Everything's
already changed George
and the truth is
soon you're gonna
start getting very sick
and you are gonna want
someone other than me there
I mean have you
Have you even told
your parents yet?
My parents are
in their mids
They would drop dead
if they heard about this
Friends You must want
to tell your friends
I don't really
have any friends
I have people
I shoot the shit with
and **** around with
but there's nobody
I'm really close with
I've got showbiz friends
Andy Dick isn't a friend
He's just a guy you know
You're my closest friend
and I don't even like you
You have to tell
someone other than me man
I can't be
the only one who knows
I've never dealt
with anything like this
All my grandparents
are alive
Listen
this is not your job to cry
Your job is to not cry
I'm just trying
to talk to you
mantoman George
As a man you are
crying right now
I'm not crying
People are gonna think
we just broke up
or something Ira
Stop doing what
you're doing
Okay I'll stop
You're causing a scene
You're making
crazy faces now Ira
Open your eyes
Stop crying
You're making noises now?
You look like
the Incredible Hulk
Jesus
you're spitting
on my shrimp
you asshole
I'm sorry
God I'm sorry
Come on
Wipe it off
Jesus Christ
I'm sorry I just don't know
This is the worst
Why didn't I just get hit
by a ****ing foul ball?
You ruined The Palm
you ****ing ass
This could have been
the best meal ever
Should I get you
ice chips or something?
No I'm good
You never had any kids huh?
No No
We didn't get to that
I have three
I know
Three kids to carry
on the Dick legacy
How the hell did you have
any kids with all
the penises you've blown?
I sucked my own dick
and spit it
into their vagina
I mean knowing that
Most people just go
through life asleep anyways
Some of those people
don't even wake up
until they get you know
the Dr Death call
you know
"This is Dr Death!
You're going to die"
"Don't
be afraid George
"It's just Death calling
Cheer up mother****er!"
Yeah
Fuck negativity
Fuck it in the ass
with a Chinese monkey!
I wish I wasn't
so ****ing angry
with you right now
Well I'm sorry
I'm sorry I wasn't
a good brother
You were
a terrible brother
You just left us
and you didn't care
You didn't give
a shit about us
You don't even give a
You moved to Kansas
Am I supposed
to visit you in Kansas?
Yes
I thought that's
why you moved there
so you didn't get visitors
You're so ****ing selfish
I know
You've only seen my son
like three times
I send him ****ing
DVDs all the time
He doesn't want your DVDs
He wants you to be
a part of his life
He wants to be
a part of yours
Wow This has been great
I want to call Dad now
and just have
more family time
What did we
ever do to you?
I'm not Dad
You are right
You're very very nice
and I'm sorry
I don't know your son
I'm sorry I don't
know you anymore
I'm glad you
don't know me
I wish I did
You'd be let down
believe me
Oh man
Oh God
Who's that?
That's the girl
I was gonna marry
but then she
smartened up
So she's
and she's six
So cute
Jeez she looks like you
the little one huh?
Yeah
What's the matter?
Your guy doesn't
have any DNA in him?
That's all Laura
They fight a lot
but they're cute
Yeah
Thank you so much
for coming here
I wanted to come
I wanted to see you
You didn't have
to come here
You didn't have to
I know it's
stressful for you
I'm just
I'm just
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry about
everything I did
You don't have to be sorry
That was years ago
Everything worked out
for the best
It's good
Look at your life
This is great
Yes It's the best life
I hate it I hate it all
I haven't been
You don't hate it
I'm addicted to it I guess
I keep doing it
Hello Wayne This is Ira
I'm calling to say
I don't think today
is a good day for you
to come by and see George
Maybe tomorrow So I'll give
you a call when I know
what the schedule looks like
Thank you
I'll talk to you soon
You have a family now
You have a family now
I'm so happy
You did the right thing
You moved on
You got a good life
And And I just
got nothing Laura
I hate that
I hate that it could
have been me with you
Don't do that please?
I'm sorry I just ****ing
You I could have
had those kids with you
How could you cheat on me?
I was so hot
You were
You were so hot
I don't know
I was hot!
I don't even know what
the **** I was doing
I was just a stupid idiot
I don't remember anybody else
What was wrong with you?
I don't remember
anybody else
I only remember you
I don't know
I don't even know
who they were
who ****ing ruined us
They're not in
my brain ever
It's like it didn't happen
The only thing
that happened was us
And you ran away
'cause you had to
I had to go
At the time I just
couldn't do it anymore
Yeah
But you know
what I realized?
I love my husband
but it's just not the same
And I loved you
so much and
I know I know
I know I know
I have the same thing
I have the same thing
Don't feel bad
Don't feel bad
I love you I love you
I always loved you
And the crazy thing is
he cheats on me too
I hate
He's like an Australian you
I ****ing hate this guy
Is he crazy?
It's just that
you were the one
Just you are
Were Are the love
Love of my life
And I just love you
Yeah the hug
was a mistake
wasn't it?
You're not sick are you?
You're just doing that
to get me down here huh?
There are those
hands again
My big hands
Always made
my penis look small
Thank you hands
for that complex
Yes Jeez
The two of them together
it was a guaranteed dwarfing
Okay
Yeah
That was worth it
We're into overtime now
just so you know
Jeez
that came quick
I wish that you guys
were really my friends
and I didn't
have to pay you
to jam with me
All right
so let's keep going then
All my little
plans and schemes
Lost like some
forgotten dream
Seems like all I
Diego
Yes George?
The roses
look terrific
Thank you
They sure
look beautiful
Only a guy with a big cock
like you could make roses
this beautiful
Don't need to be alone
No need to be alone
It's real love
It's real
Yes it's real love
You doing standup at all?
This is actually
the first time I've left
the house in three years
But I will sometimes
in my house
in front of my kids
I'll do five six minutes
Not good stuff
It's a lot of "Where
you from?" You know
But you know
all kidding aside
I know you're
in a terrible
situation
but even with that
you look so much
better than him
The Kingdom
of Heaven is
is in your hands
I don't expect
for you to awake
from your dreams
We watched your
last movie on video
A man who is funny
doesn't have to work blue
You don't
You don't have to do
trash to be funny
I'll tell you who was
a great comedian
Please say me Who?
Jackie Gleason
Yeah of course
You like him
'cause you look
like Art Carney
Gleason was terrific
And you ain't so bad
All right
Thank you Pop
I know
It's real
It's real love oh yeah
It's real love yeah
It's real love
It's real
I think I played it
all wrong Ira
I played it all wrong
Okay He's here
We saw each other
Let me answer it Mark
Stop
Let me answer it
Mark man
Move *****!
Hey George Simmons Hey
Hey what's up?
Happy Thanksgiving
Hey!
Mark
Leo is the name I got
How are you?
Yeah yeah Yo Teach!
That's right!
Yeah right
Oh boy
That movie's the best
'cause you're a man
then you're a baby
and then you learn
to be a man once
you be You need
It takes becoming a baby
to learn how to become a man
Yeah Can we get you
a drink or some food?
No no no
Let me just walk around
and go through your shit
Hey I'm Bo
What's up Bo?
I'm an actor so
Oh good good good
good good good
I've seen your act a lot
Really? Where?
Schmira he has that
What's that the YouTubey
thing that that
The YouTube
Yeah
George and Daisy are here?
How the hell did that happen?
I didn't think
George would come
and who invited Daisy?
I invited her
Are you still
sleeping with Daisy?
No I'm not
sleeping with Daisy!
I have a new girlfriend now
I'm dating the girl
who plays Mrs Pruitt
Her name's
Carla something
Can I sit next to
George at dinner?
Sit wherever the hell
you want to sit man why?
I feel like if I can just
make George crack up once
it'll do huge things
for me like
What you wrote
jokes for Thanksgiving?
I didn't write jokes
I just wrote down
my funniest anecdotes
and punched them up
here and there
Okay
I can't hide in the kitchen
all afternoon I'm going
away you know
Okay
So
There's something
I've really been wanting
to tell you George
Uhoh
Yeah
I feel as though you need
to tell someone other than me
about your condition
I don't want to do that
George
people care about you
You have to let them
be there for you
I tell somebody
then it's all gonna change
and you can't get it back
Everything's
already changed George
and the truth is
soon you're gonna
start getting very sick
and you are gonna want
someone other than me there
I mean have you
Have you even told
your parents yet?
My parents are
in their mids
They would drop dead
if they heard about this
Friends You must want
to tell your friends
I don't really
have any friends
I have people
I shoot the shit with
and **** around with
but there's nobody
I'm really close with
I've got showbiz friends
Andy Dick isn't a friend
He's just a guy you know
You're my closest friend
and I don't even like you
You have to tell
someone other than me man
I can't be
the only one who knows
I've never dealt
with anything like this
All my grandparents
are alive
Listen
this is not your job to cry
Your job is to not cry
I'm just trying
to talk to you
mantoman George
As a man you are
crying right now
I'm not crying
People are gonna think
we just broke up
or something Ira
Stop doing what
you're doing
Okay I'll stop
You're causing a scene
You're making
crazy faces now Ira
Open your eyes
Stop crying
You're making noises now?
You look like
the Incredible Hulk
Jesus
you're spitting
on my shrimp
you asshole
I'm sorry
God I'm sorry
Come on
Wipe it off
Jesus Christ
I'm sorry I just don't know
This is the worst
Why didn't I just get hit
by a ****ing foul ball?
You ruined The Palm
you ****ing ass
This could have been
the best meal ever
Should I get you
ice chips or something?
No I'm good
You never had any kids huh?
No No
We didn't get to that
I have three
I know
Three kids to carry
on the Dick legacy
How the hell did you have
any kids with all
the penises you've blown?
I sucked my own dick
and spit it
into their vagina
I mean knowing that
Most people just go
through life asleep anyways
Some of those people
don't even wake up
until they get you know
the Dr Death call
you know
"This is Dr Death!
You're going to die"
"Don't
be afraid George
"It's just Death calling
Cheer up mother****er!"
Yeah
Fuck negativity
Fuck it in the ass
with a Chinese monkey!
I wish I wasn't
so ****ing angry
with you right now
Well I'm sorry
I'm sorry I wasn't
a good brother
You were
a terrible brother
You just left us
and you didn't care
You didn't give
a shit about us
You don't even give a
You moved to Kansas
Am I supposed
to visit you in Kansas?
Yes
I thought that's
why you moved there
so you didn't get visitors
You're so ****ing selfish
I know
You've only seen my son
like three times
I send him ****ing
DVDs all the time
He doesn't want your DVDs
He wants you to be
a part of his life
He wants to be
a part of yours
Wow This has been great
I want to call Dad now
and just have
more family time
What did we
ever do to you?
I'm not Dad
You are right
You're very very nice
and I'm sorry
I don't know your son
I'm sorry I don't
know you anymore
I'm glad you
don't know me
I wish I did
You'd be let down
believe me
Oh man
Oh God
Who's that?
That's the girl
I was gonna marry
but then she
smartened up
So she's
and she's six
So cute
Jeez she looks like you
the little one huh?
Yeah
What's the matter?
Your guy doesn't
have any DNA in him?
That's all Laura
They fight a lot
but they're cute
Yeah
Thank you so much
for coming here
I wanted to come
I wanted to see you
You didn't have
to come here
You didn't have to
I know it's
stressful for you
I'm just
I'm just
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry about
everything I did
You don't have to be sorry
That was years ago
Everything worked out
for the best
It's good
Look at your life
This is great
Yes It's the best life
I hate it I hate it all
I haven't been
You don't hate it
I'm addicted to it I guess
I keep doing it
Hello Wayne This is Ira
I'm calling to say
I don't think today
is a good day for you
to come by and see George
Maybe tomorrow So I'll give
you a call when I know
what the schedule looks like
Thank you
I'll talk to you soon
You have a family now
You have a family now
I'm so happy
You did the right thing
You moved on
You got a good life
And And I just
got nothing Laura
I hate that
I hate that it could
have been me with you
Don't do that please?
I'm sorry I just ****ing
You I could have
had those kids with you
How could you cheat on me?
I was so hot
You were
You were so hot
I don't know
I was hot!
I don't even know what
the **** I was doing
I was just a stupid idiot
I don't remember anybody else
What was wrong with you?
I don't remember
anybody else
I only remember you
I don't know
I don't even know
who they were
who ****ing ruined us
They're not in
my brain ever
It's like it didn't happen
The only thing
that happened was us
And you ran away
'cause you had to
I had to go
At the time I just
couldn't do it anymore
Yeah
But you know
what I realized?
I love my husband
but it's just not the same
And I loved you
so much and
I know I know
I know I know
I have the same thing
I have the same thing
Don't feel bad
Don't feel bad
I love you I love you
I always loved you
And the crazy thing is
he cheats on me too
I hate
He's like an Australian you
I ****ing hate this guy
Is he crazy?
It's just that
you were the one
Just you are
Were Are the love
Love of my life
And I just love you
Yeah the hug
was a mistake
wasn't it?
You're not sick are you?
You're just doing that
to get me down here huh?
There are those
hands again
My big hands
Always made
my penis look small
Thank you hands
for that complex
Yes Jeez
The two of them together
it was a guaranteed dwarfing
Okay
Yeah
That was worth it
We're into overtime now
just so you know
Jeez
that came quick
I wish that you guys
were really my friends
and I didn't
have to pay you
to jam with me
All right
so let's keep going then
All my little
plans and schemes
Lost like some
forgotten dream
Seems like all I
Diego
Yes George?
The roses
look terrific
Thank you
They sure
look beautiful
Only a guy with a big cock
like you could make roses
this beautiful
Don't need to be alone
No need to be alone
It's real love
It's real
Yes it's real love
You doing standup at all?
This is actually
the first time I've left
the house in three years
But I will sometimes
in my house
in front of my kids
I'll do five six minutes
Not good stuff
It's a lot of "Where
you from?" You know
But you know
all kidding aside
I know you're
in a terrible
situation
but even with that
you look so much
better than him
The Kingdom
of Heaven is
is in your hands
I don't expect
for you to awake
from your dreams
We watched your
last movie on video
A man who is funny
doesn't have to work blue
You don't
You don't have to do
trash to be funny
I'll tell you who was
a great comedian
Please say me Who?
Jackie Gleason
Yeah of course
You like him
'cause you look
like Art Carney
Gleason was terrific
And you ain't so bad
All right
Thank you Pop
I know
It's real
It's real love oh yeah
It's real love yeah
It's real love
It's real
I think I played it
all wrong Ira
I played it all wrong
Okay He's here
We saw each other
Let me answer it Mark
Stop
Let me answer it
Mark man
Move *****!
Hey George Simmons Hey
Hey what's up?
Happy Thanksgiving
Hey!
Mark
Leo is the name I got
How are you?
Yeah yeah Yo Teach!
That's right!
Yeah right
Oh boy
That movie's the best
'cause you're a man
then you're a baby
and then you learn
to be a man once
you be You need
It takes becoming a baby
to learn how to become a man
Yeah Can we get you
a drink or some food?
No no no
Let me just walk around
and go through your shit
Hey I'm Bo
What's up Bo?
I'm an actor so
Oh good good good
good good good
I've seen your act a lot
Really? Where?
Schmira he has that
What's that the YouTubey
thing that that
The YouTube
Yeah
George and Daisy are here?
How the hell did that happen?
I didn't think
George would come
and who invited Daisy?
I invited her
Are you still
sleeping with Daisy?
No I'm not
sleeping with Daisy!
I have a new girlfriend now
I'm dating the girl
who plays Mrs Pruitt
Her name's
Carla something
Can I sit next to
George at dinner?
Sit wherever the hell
you want to sit man why?
I feel like if I can just
make George crack up once
it'll do huge things
for me like
What you wrote
jokes for Thanksgiving?
I didn't write jokes
I just wrote down
my funniest anecdotes
and punched them up
here and there
Okay
I can't hide in the kitchen
all afternoon I'm going
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