英语笑话，要听完会爆笑的那种！高分悬赏！限时30分钟！

PS：每人限说2个！要英文及其译文！

英语笑话一般都不好笑

因为都是英式幽默

中式英文可能更好玩

He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？

Grandma and her five-year-old Grandson Grandma:What's one and two? Grandson:Three Grandma:Great!You can get three candies Grandson:If I know this early,I should have said "five". 奶奶和五岁的孙子 奶奶:1加2等于几? 孙子:等于3。 奶奶：好！你可以得到三块糖 孙子：早知道到这样，我早该说“等于5”了！

Money is not everything. There's MasterCard & Visa. 钞票不是万能的,有时还需要信用卡. One should love animals. They are so tasty. 每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃. Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要节约用水,尽量和女友一起洗澡. Love the neighbor. But don't get caught. 要用心去爱你的邻居,不过不要让她的老公知道. Behind every successful woman, there is a man. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后,都有一个女人. 每个不成功男人的背后, 都有两个. Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. 再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚,幸福不是永久的嘛. The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise. 聪明人都是未婚的,结婚的人很难再聪明起来. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. 成功是一个相关名词,他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）. Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. 不要等明天交不上差再找借口, 今天就要找好. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop. 爱情就象照片,需要大量的暗房时间来培养. Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩会生出意外, 后排座位上的意外会生出小孩. "Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep. "现在的梦想决定着你的将来",所以还是再睡一会吧. There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning. 应该有更好的方式开始新一天,而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来. "Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? 努力工作不会导致死亡!不过我不会用自己去证明. "Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! 工作好有意思耶!尤其是看着别人工作. God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. 神决定了谁是你的亲戚,幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地. When two's company, three's the result! 两个人的状态是不稳定的,三个人才是! A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服饰就象铁丝网,它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看. The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn. 学的越多,知道的越多, 知道的越多,忘记的越多, 忘记的越多,知道的越少,为什么学来着？

周一早上....正在冲泡着浓郁的咖啡，一个有趣的对话发生了... "Daddy?How did I come into this world?" 「爹地，我是怎么来到这世界的？」 "Well,my child,someday I"ll have to tell you anyway." 「哦，儿子啊，总有一天我会让你知道的。」 "So why not today?Please!" 「拜托！为什么今天不行？」 "OK,but listen carefully." 「好吧，你仔细听着！」 "Mom and Dad met each other in a cybercafe. 「你妈和我在网吧相遇而认识， In the restroom sof that cybercafe,dad connected to mom. 并在网吧的洗手间你妈和我使用了超级链接， Mom at that time made some downloads from dad"s memorystick. 那时你妈从我的随身插硬盘下载一些数据， When dad finished up loading wed is covered we used no firewall. 当我完成上传时，我们发现我们没有使用防火墙， Since it was too late to cancel or delete, 因此，想要取消或删除都已为时太晚， nine months later we ended up with a virus." 就这样，九个月以后我们最终生出一个病毒。」

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