这篇满分为16的作文，我只得了9分，不好。没语法错误，那我还需要提高的方面是什么呢？请不厌其烦的告诉我，帮助我。
My favourite subject
I regard English as my favourite subject.
In my life,I can't live or study without it because it plays a most important role in society.We sometimes come across some westerners.And it is time for us to use it to help others and beauty our city .Of course,students can't have poor commands of English in that it has been the key factor to entering the best university.In a word,we should try our best to learn it well.
Shanghai has already been an international city to which so many foreigners come .We will certainly fall in love with this beautiful language and be a useful person.
我认真的读了几遍，确实没有任何语法错误。不过我想提几点建议：1.逻辑性。题目：My favourite subject。你整篇文章好像都是在阐述(甚至有些夸张）英语的地位、作用，着可以 作为你学习英语，喜欢英语的原因，但不要通篇都是这个。我感觉你可以写一下，你是如何学习英语的，等一些其他相关的东西。我发现你语法很强，但是长句子不一定是好句子，有时倒会让人感到冗杂。还有你的一些用词，比如beautiful修饰language等，总让人感觉别扭。
上面只是个人之见，我只是一个大二学生。希望可以帮到你，祝你快乐！
自己改动一下就行了
http://www.rrting.com/English/yyxw/
这里有几百篇英语作文，希望能帮到你，要给分喔
a most important 中的a 最好改为the 用最高级
beauty our city中的beauty 改为beautify, 这里应该用的是动词，而非名词。
My favourite subject
I regard English as my favourite subject.
In my life,I can't live or study without it because it plays a(the) most important role in society.(这句写得太夸张了,老师看了就不喜欢,写作文切忌话讲得太过)We sometimes come across some westerners.And it is time for us to use it to help others and beauty(这是名词,BEAUTIFY) our city .Of course,students can't have poor commands of English in that it has been the key factor to entering(ENTER) the best university.In a word,we should try our best to learn it well.
Shanghai has already been an international city to which so many foreigners come (这种句子读起来很别扭,简单的句子就尽量不要用从句,不要刻意炫耀自己的语法很强,这样只会适得其反).We will certainly fall in love with this beautiful language and be a useful person.
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